Over the last few months, I had a huge realization about my life and relationship. Of course it didnt happen over night, it happened over months and months of talking, counseling, and support, and prayer.
In the beginning of this year, I was planning my dream wedding. This wedding was all I breathed and thought about. I couldnt actually have a conversation with a human being without bringing up the wedding or blowing up about the things that still needed to occur. The wedding took over my life, without me caring or realizing that my consumption of this wedding, was ruining my relationship.
If I had not been so wrapped up in the materialist mind thought of the wedding, I would have known and noticed it. But instead, we can contiuned to fight, I would get upset say things, I dont mean and then he would leave. It was a pattern. Until one day he told me that he wasnt happy and if I didnt change things about, it was going to end and there wouldnt be a wedding at all.. I called him Bluff!
Just a few days later, he was ready to pack his bags and move out. Of course I said it would change and I had a quick reality that my relationship and soon to be marriage was failing. We started counseling and from there, he realized that the wedding we had planned for a year was not going to happen.
I was crushed, I was pissed, I was out raged with anger and wanted to cry and scream all at once. We were able to find a great counselor and really took a break from the wedding, but in the back of my mind, I thought he had his mind made up and he was waiting for the next fight and he would be gone. It took about two months from when we called the wedding off for us to really know each other again, to be happy again, to be ok again.
Although, it was one of the hardest times in my life thus far to almost lose my fiance and my other half, I am now able to see that it was the best decisions we made by postponing the wedding.
I think back to what it would be like. We would me married, not happily. We would fight all the time, we would be angry with each other, infidelity would come up and we would be apart of the US divorce rate.
We have grown so much in the last few months and from here I pray and hope that will continue on this road, not apart, but together!
I love you booo booo cakes!