CANT EXPLAIN

As of right now in my life, I feel lost and confused! In the last few months, a lot has changed and turned around. Joey and I decided to postpone the wedding until a later date, due to stress and financially uneasy. Apart of me is glad that we are taking a break from the wedding and trying to work on being happy with each other and not let the stress of work, school, wedding, and remodeling get between the two of us, but apart of me is also really really really pissed. 

Last year when Joey proposed in April, we lightly started planning and finally set a date in like June for a May 1st 2010 wedding. I have spent almost an entire year along with hours and hours and weekends making this wedding, our dream wedding and I fell like that just doesn't matter anymore. All the work and stress and effort that I had put into that day is like washed away! I cant explain how I personally feel right now. 

A few weeks back, I had told Joey that we would give ourselves a break from wedding planning and then we would come back to it in a few weeks, which apparently, I am totally incapable of doing. I have to have this planned, I have to know the details, I need to know. I have to have organization and without knowing every detail and what the next step is, I feel like I am not organized and it is a complete mess. This is very hard for me. I dont want this to be stressful, I dont want to have to fight about a wedding, it's supposed to be fun and enjoyable! 


I guess well see what happens in the next few weeks.