Tuesday, October 12, 2010

How do you?

Something weird happened this weekend. Something that I cant really explain with the right amount of words. But I'll give it a chance.

Saturday morning, I thought about a friend who lost her grandpa in July of this year. She was extremely close to her grandpa and I know that it ate at her everyday that he was no longer with us.  So as I thought about her grandpa, I began to think that maybe she hadn't grieved yet. That she couldn't fully be happy with life and herself until she grieved properly.  Thinking about her and how I can help her out, I arrived at my destination and called my dad. 

My dad at that time, had informed me of a death in our "outside" family. My heart dropped! I didn't have words to say and I didn't know how to react. I was able to bring myself together long enough to get all the details.  After that call, I found myself in the Target parking lot, crying.  Crying for all the feelings I had flowing through me, crying for the pain that has now been placed on our family and theirs, crying because to be honest, I didnt know what else to do. 

How do you help somebody else grieve when you, yourself is learning how? 

This exact question is what plays in my head everyday since I found out. How do I help but heal at the same time.  How can I give somebody my hand to hold, when I want to crawl into a whole and cry too. How do you do this?

I dont know that answer and I dont know if anybody else does either, but for now, I am using my own method, which is silence. I shut down and hide.

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